Lola and the Tree of Life Episode Transcript

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
Welcome to the Remembering a Life podcast. I'm your host, Holly Ignatowski. Today we're speaking with Susan Rising, author of Lola and The Tree of Life, a book that offers children a message of hope even in the face of loss. The Richly Illustrated book, which tells the story of Lola, her dog Sky, her beloved friend tree and her ailing grandfather can help a child prepare for the death of a loved one or pet under stand that while death is permanent memories, meaning and connections live on and learn about the natural cycles in the web of life, the book has been praised by mental health professionals, teachers, parents, and other authors, and has been described as a comforting message to children who are facing grief and loss. Welcome Susan, and thanks so much for joining me today.

SUSAN REISING:
Oh, thanks for having me, Holly. It's a pleasure to be here.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
Susan, can you just tell us what was your inspiration for the book, Lola and the Tree of Life, and could you give us just a brief synopsis? Sure.

SUSAN REISING:
So Lola and the Tree of Life is the story of a little girl named Lola, her dog Sky and their friend, a wonderful wise old oak that Lola simply calls Tree. Lola and Tree talk about everything. And on the day that it's chronicled in the book, Lola has visited her beloved grandfather who sadly is very ill and she understands that he might die, but doesn't really know what that means. So Tree tries to help her understand by sharing tree's own story of the lifecycle. And I guess as far as the inspiration, well that is a bit of a long story, but I had written a draft of Lola in the Tree of Life more than 20 years ago, but was inspired to revisit it during the height of the C Ovid 19 pandemic when so many children were losing parents and grandparents and often unexpectedly or under difficult circumstances. So I've always believed in and experienced the healing power of nature, and I just wanted to try to share that in a way that kids could understand.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
So the book has been a long time in the making. And when you did originally think about this book, who's this book for? What age range are we talking about?

SUSAN REISING:
Yeah, so it's geared toward children ages four to eight. But honestly since it's been out, I've heard from readers that really kids of all ages and even adults are finding value in its message.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
So many of the books out there help kids deal with their grief after a death, but this particular book helps prepare children for a death that is anticipated anticipated. Why is that important and how does this book do that?

SUSAN REISING:
Yeah, I know you've talked about before on this podcast, the concept of death can be very hard for a child to understand, and sometimes we don't know how much they're understanding when somebody they love just seemingly disappears from their life that can be traumatizing. And a lot of times the adults around them are deeply affected too, obviously, and they may not be at their best to help the child understand. So my thought was that it would be helpful to lay a foundation with this little story, and it could give adults a framework to build on to help the child process when it does happen. So help them process what has happened and understand that while their loved one, whether a human or a pet or even a tree has died or connections to them can live on.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
And as you indicated, grief, it's so difficult for an adult, but for children, adults don't even understand how it's affecting children sometimes. And sometimes they get left behind in that grief because, oh, people think, well, kids are so resilient, they'll get over it, they'll be fine. So how does this book address that aspect of their grief journey in maybe a little bit healthier way?

SUSAN REISING:
That's a good question. Yeah, we can never know completely how a death will affect a child emotionally. So for example, they may appear to understand and then ask later when Aunt Evelyn's coming back, we think they're getting it and then understand that maybe not in the way we thought, so they could also be confused or frightened by the grief of the people around them. So my goal is that low in the Tree of Life will give them and the adults around them toolkit of sorts to help. And I might mention that on the Lola and the Tree of Life website, which is Lola and the tree of life.com, I share some resources for adults that include what I hope are age appropriate answers to questions kids might ask after hearing or reading the book, plus some additional thought starters that adults can use to continue the conversation about death and loss. And one other thing I think is important because we all come from different backgrounds. The book is spiritual, but it's not aligned with any one religion. So my hope is that if parents want to layer on religious teachings or beliefs, they can do that.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
So what do you mean by that, Susan? What do you mean it's spiritual but not religious?

SUSAN REISING:
Yeah, so it's very much about connections that we can't see. So feelings of connection with the tree trees, connection with everything around her, how once we pass we can still feel connected to other people who have gone before and even people that we didn't know, our ancestors in some ways that sort of defy our five senses.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
And let's go back to those questions you were talking about just a minute ago. On your website you do have, what are some of those questions that could be asked, maybe should be asked, and what are some of the answers to those questions?

SUSAN REISING:
So some of the possible questions kids could ask would be, why is Lola's grandpa in the hospital And we want to make sure it's age appropriate, so we just say he's very sick and he needs special care. You don't have to go into a lot of detail. We might ask or a child might ask, why is Lola scared? And we might say she knows that he may die, she will miss him. Another question common would be, will or grandpa come back after he dies? And this is one that we need to be clear on. I think that's an area where children sometimes don't fully understand what death means. So to not use euphemisms to say no, when her grandpa dies, she won't be able to see him again. But Lola will always have her memories of her grandpa and everything he taught her and the good times they had will be part of her.
Another question kids sometimes ask is, does everybody die? And that can be a tough one because then they come to understand that their parents will someday die and that they will die as well. And that is a tough conversation and we don't want to address it too soon. But to say something like, yes, it's what happens when a living thing reaches the end of its life and its body can't go on. So then you might share an example like remember when your friend Danny's dog Elmo died? That was because Elmo's body became old and sick, and we could say when people pets and even trees die, it's normal to miss them and also to remember the times we shared and we can continue to think of them in our minds and feel love for them in our hearts. So that's a few of the questions and answers. There's more than that. And then in terms of the conversation starters, just to really check in with the child to see if they are understanding, you might say, was there anything in the book you didn't understand or what did Lola learn from tree during her visit? Or what does this book make you think about? Things like that.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
So oftentimes we try to soften this conversation with children. Are there some shoulds or shouldn'ts when telling a child about a death or an anticipated death? Because sometimes we want to say, oh, grandpa went to sleep or grandpa's in another place. Is that helpful or harmful to a child?

SUSAN REISING:
It can be harmful. All of the best wisdom on this topic now says to use the actual world, the words died and not to use euphemisms like passed away or went to a better place because it sort of infers that they're coming back. We want to make sure they know that they're not coming back, but that it will be okay. So not to make death a taboo topic. And it's also kind of important that the adults when they're talking about it, get to a good place themselves because if they feel uncomfortable, the children will intuit that and feel like, I'm not sure what's going on here. Another thing I think is important is if you don't know the answer, don't make one up. I'm not sure about that myself, honey, or I just don't know how to answer that, but let's talk about it some more.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
Thank you. That was my next question. What if you don't have an answer to their question? And it sounds like honesty is the best answer.

SUSAN REISING:
It is, yeah. It helps them feel better about them not knowing everything also.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
Right. Let's delve a little deeper into the characters in the book, especially the main characters, Lola, her dog, sky, and of course the tree. Where did you draw the inspiration for creating them and why a tree?

SUSAN REISING:
Yeah. Well, that again is a pretty long story, but in a nutshell, when I wrote the first draft of the book all those years ago, the characters were simply a little boy in a tree. But when I was inspired to revisit that book during the pandemic, that really affected the lens that I was looking through as I rewrote the book. So a good friend was fighting for life on a ventilator after contracting COVID, his elderly mother had died of COVID. You may recall our country was just deeply divided about vaccines and other things, and fear was really rampant. So much felt out of control, out of our control, and I think I wanted to find a way to give hope even in the face of death and despair. And so there was another layer on a personal note, my husband and I had recently lost our dog, Lola, to a kind of rare and unexpected condition.

She was only five, and it affected us deeply. So to pay homage to our beloved Lola, I reimagined the child in the book as a young girl named Lola, and I gave her a dog companion named Sky who's modeled after our other dog who looks just like the real life sky who happens to be a Courtney. And Holly, although I didn't realize it at the time, rewriting the story in that way helped me channel and process my own grief over that wash and that lack of control that I felt. So rewriting the book really helped me too. And you asked about the character of tree. This is a lovely story. So Tree was inspired by an actual ancient oak tree in Peoria, Illinois near where I live. The tree is preserved in a little park aptly called Giant Oak Park in a historic part of the city.

And I learned of that tree shortly after I moved here back in 1984. Now I'm showing my age, and that tree's been a mainstay in my life ever since. And no one really knows for sure how old the tree is, but there are references to an already large old tree in that space dating back to the times of the first European explorers in the area. And that was like the mid 17 hundreds. The best guess is that the tree took root around 1500 the year 1500. And so that's the tree that inspired tree in the book. And just generally, I love trees because I feel comforted by their presence in ways that I can't even really put in words. I've always had a sense they can communicate just not using words.

And this has sort of been scientifically proven, not in words, but a few years ago I was listening to a TED Talk by a Canadian fourth ecologist and professor, her name's Suzanne Simard, and she shared that trees and forests actually do communicate via their root systems, fungi that live symbiotically with the trees and even sense released by trees. So all of that together helps ensure that the trees that need it most get what they need, get those resources. So I think humans can learn a lot from what trees instinctively know. And also another major inspiration for revising the story of Lola in The Tree of Life was the book The Overstory by author Richard Powers that novel. A lot of people probably heard of it. It won the 2019 Pulitzer Prize, and I would in a nutshell, I would call it for me, a soul stirring homage to trees and their plight in the world.

And it's told through 12 interconnected human stories, including one loosely based on Suzanne ards life and research. The lady I'd first heard a few years ago talk about how trees communicate. And all of that reminded me again of the wisdom of trees, their healing power, their ability to communicate in unseen ways. And of course that made me think again of that giant old oak tree near my house that by then had inspired me across four decades. This is absolutely true. Immediately after finishing the Overstory, I was listening to it in my earbuds as the last words died away. I am like, I have got to get that book out. Now is the time. So I pulled out the old draft of my story and I got to work revising it.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
Wow. That is a lovely story, and we have certainly explored the healing properties of nature and on this podcast in the past, and it sounds like you've experienced that firsthand in writing this book.

SUSAN REISING:
I really have, and throughout my life, trees have always been a source of solace for me.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
And now you've made that tree very famous right in your neighborhood?

SUSAN REISING:
Yeah, I hope so. She's a beautiful tree and yeah, I like to drive us over and see her for some reason. I always think of her as a her every couple of weeks, and she's beautiful throughout every season. In fact, on the website, I have a couple of photos of her in spring, summer and also winter, and she's covered in snow

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
And she's beautifully portrayed in this book. Let's talk about the rich colorful illustrations that you have in this book. You teamed up with Missy Shepler, I believe. How did you connect with her and how did the two of you work together to make the book and the tree actually come to life through these beautiful illustrations?

SUSAN REISING:
I can't say enough good things about Missy Shepler. She and I were colleagues who became friends, and we both worked at a publishing company in our twenties and early thirties, and around the same time in our early thirties, we each left to start our own business. Me writing her graphic arts and illustration back in the late 1990s, and through that time we worked together a lot on projects for different clients. I've always been in awe of her talent, and one day I was telling her about the first draft of the book all those years ago, and she offered to create an amazing sample illustration for the book that I could send along to publishers because as you know, back then the only way to get published was through a traditional publisher. So she did that, and I got the draft already, and I'm just going to be fully transparent.

I knew the odds were long and I think I just got cold feet for rejection, I suppose. So I never sent it. It went on the shelf, but now by 2020, the self-publishing industry had removed all those obstacles, so I didn't have any reason to not do it. I called Missy to tell her I was destined off the story, and I asked her if I could hire her to do the illustrations, and I'm so grateful that she was game, and so we were off on a wonderful odyssey of collaboration over about 18 months, and of course, I had mental pictures of scenes in the book, but I have to say in every instance her illustrations, which she created entirely digitally using special drawing tools on an iPad, they exceeded my expectations honestly, without Missy, who also did the layout and the cover design. They just wouldn't be a Lola on the Tree of Life.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
And it sounds like timing was everything for this book, just as you said, you started thinking about it maybe 20 years ago and then this pandemic and it's a terrible thing, but yet this beautiful thing came out of it.

SUSAN REISING:
Yeah. Yes. Honestly, I just feel so strongly that this is how it was meant to be. The time wasn't right before.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
How do you hope that this book might make death and grief more approachable and less scary topic for kids and maybe even their parents and other adults in their life? What is your hope for that?

SUSAN REISING:
I guess my hope is that it normalizes death as a natural part of the life cycle. I think less fear and more acceptance would help everyone, and I think the story that Tree Shares of the Lifecycle for her and all the changes she's seen over her 500 years of life hopefully will help put things in context and give both children and adults some solace.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
Susan, what kind of response have you gotten from this book? Have you heard from any readers?

SUSAN REISING:
I have. It's been really interesting. I mentioned earlier that while the book is for children ages four to eight, I have heard from adults who are really touched by it too, particularly people who like me really believe in the healing power of nature and trees. In particular, one woman who'd heard an interview in which I shared that the character of Tree was inspired by that bur here in Peoria. She emailed me that she had moved to Peoria 40 years ago, right around the same time I had coincidentally and had loved that tree ever since, and she loved that. I used its wisdom and she couldn't wait to read it and share it with her girls. So we're 28 and 31 whose dad had passed away during the pandemic, and I remember her saying, it's never too late to heal. That really touched me and I was so glad that it had touched her.

There was also a man who wrote to share his love of trees. He shared that his first wife had died at age 62 during a heart procedure and he was grieving and he said he would just go in his backyard and send her under a big old oak tree, talked to the tree and ask it how it managed to look so magnificent year after year, going through that dying and coming back to life stage, I remember him saying he'd just close his eyes and sit there and listen to the wind and the leaves, the birds chirping, and he'd get this really warm, comfortable feeling that life would go on and everything would be all right. I think his point was that nature gives us a really positive example of dying and rising and that it can help people find peace and strength from just sitting under a tree.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
I think you've given us all renewed respect and appreciation for trees and their beauty and their wisdom. Thank you for that. Well, Susan, we ask all of our guests this question, and I'm going to ask you today, who are you remembering today?

SUSAN REISING:
Well, thank you for asking that. I am remembering my dad who died unexpectedly at age 65 in 2002, and as you've probably figured out, my husband and I are very much pet people because we don't have children, so I'm remembering all of our pets who have passed, and particularly Lola, who helped me write this book.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
That's lovely. Thank you so much, Susan, for joining me today and for sharing your journey to create this really beautiful book. It's such a wonderful resource for adults and their children in their lives and very helpful as they anticipate loss and prepare for moving forward in their grief after that loss.

SUSAN REISING:
It is really my pleasure, Holly. Thank you so much for having me on Your Remembering a Life Podcast.

HOLLY IGNATOWSKI:
To learn more about Lola and the Tree of Life and to enter to win a signed copy, visit remembering a life.com/and to learn more about how to talk to children and youth about death and funerals, visit Remembering a life.com/youth and funerals.